how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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