I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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