I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
