Whatcha textin bout Willis?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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