It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
