on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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