I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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