and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
