i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...