shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"