That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......