i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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