If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dignity is for republicans.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
