my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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