and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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