was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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