Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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