if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
