God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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