Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I still have a little drunk in my system
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
