my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed