guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?