And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I came so hard my ears popped.