we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first