I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say