Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever