I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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