We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't turn off my feet"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
