im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
