Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.