tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!