Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.