Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear