A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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