I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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