It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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