WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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