So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
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Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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