i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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