grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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