What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
