apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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