Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
