Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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