Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
