great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.