Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
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I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend