my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
