It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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