to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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