New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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