he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
