hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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