I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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