people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
