like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
