The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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