i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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