Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
