Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
