I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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