hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish you could order shots online.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
